Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Just a small update

"I think he's flirting with me," I said to my personal trainer.

"No, he's just asking if you're done with the machine," he replied.

"Oh. Well, I'm not, so he can just wait."

"You really suck at being single. Now give me five more squats."

My personal trainer is cute, funny, and a blast to work out with. I guarantee he's breaking hearts left and right. He's also ten years younger than me and happens to be the only person who's giving me dating advice. I need to be more approachable and also recognize that when a fit, young guy at the gym asks to use my machine, he's probably not flirting with me and only trying to work on his quads, or pecks, or whatever else this young stud might want to expand. Also, chances are, that girl that he's lifting with, is his girlfriend.

Besides, I'm not interested in the young meat at the gym. I prefer older, more distinguished gentlemen who won't walk out the door when you say, "I'm on my period. Ain't nobody touching this shit tonight." Instead, he'll wrap his arms around me and say, "then we can just cuddle."

Ahhh, "to sleep, perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub." (Shakespeare, for those of you who don't know.)

Every girl can have a dream guy (or girl, I'm not picky) who just wants to cuddle...

It's been a while since I've written. Life has been crazy both in a good way and in a bad way. I'm busier than shit (if shit can be busy) and am managing about six hours of sleep a night. Usually less than six, but any night that I can grab six hours is a win for me. Work is awesome, lots of really cool stuff happening like project concepts coming to fruition (look for me in front of the camera soon! I'm so excited!) and a business trip to San Francisco. Which, by the way, I will be taking time off after our conference to live it up in San Fran for a few days! I haven't been back to visit since I moved away back in 2003. I.am.so.thrilled and cannot wait to visit the city that grew me as an adult. It will be a trip to walk past my old apartment where I had to step over human shit as I walked out my front door to go to work. Good times.

School is awesome, but is taking up more time than I had imagined. In fact, I really should be doing my homework instead of writing in my blog, but when inspiration hits...

My personal life could use some work. When I'm not at work, at school, editing my feature film, or at the gym, I am in my yard pulling weeds, or in my house sweeping up dog and cat hair. I try to take myself out to eat once a week, but that is proving to be a little difficult as I can rarely step away from my computer for too long, because there's always work and there's always school. BUT! I try to make it a point to treat myself right at least once a week. I do have time stashed away to take my Frodo dog for a hike every Sunday. This is our mommy-doggy time.

I'm struggling to figure out who I am as an individual. I spend my money and make my meals as if I'm still married. Meaning, I'm incredibly frugal and haven't gone clothes shopping in over a year (I really need to buy some new clothes) and I make enough food to feed a family of six. I guess you could say that I've never learned to cook for less than the family I grew up with - six of us. I really make way too much food. I think my freezer is stocked for at least two months. I'm still just trying to figure everything out.

I have my emotional ups and downs and I must admit that lately, I've been in a slump. I question my life decisions and I question myself. I know that I need to love me, but that's a difficult thing to do at times. I think about my life and my relationships and I see patterns. Patterns that I need to fix. Patterns that can only be fixed after I learn to love myself. I'll get there.

In the meantime, I will take those moments of clarity and those spots of happiness and blend them all together to create a better me. ...and also do my homework. These papers don't write themselves.